watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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