margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
should my penis look like a turkey
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
