Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's blow job season.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
