So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
