Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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