Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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