3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
