He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
