so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
