Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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