it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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