Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
