i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
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