just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
