So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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