yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
