dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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