I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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