Define "chronic" masturbator.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
