Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
