So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
