So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
