Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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