so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
