tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
