We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
