remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
