Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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