they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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