Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
