Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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