Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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