I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
