I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
