Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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