weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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