I met the friendliest cop last night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
