you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
