so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
