Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
