I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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