I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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