I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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