WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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