My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
