...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
