before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
