This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My penis needs a shock collar
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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