Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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