There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
