she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
