she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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