I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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