I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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