my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He passed out mid-signature
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
