"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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