john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
