If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
